by - It was always my dream, but raising two children like a mother staying at home was more difficult than I thought.
- I lost my identity during the baby and toddler years of my children, and got it back from work.
- My children are now teenagers and I would like to see new mothers hold their own identity and interests.
I was 27 when I got my first baby, and like most people in the late twenties, I thought I had sorted everything out. I was raised in a conservative church environment where women learned their main goal was to become a woman and then a mother. My husband and I were married for a few years when we decided to found our family. A baby taken into our house, at the time, as if I finally fulfilled my goal.
When our son was 2, I gave birth to our daughter. Our family was complete and I felt proud that I had locked a husband and had two babies for 30. The only thing to do was enjoy motherhood – or I thought so.
I like to be a mother, but I lost myself early on
The author and her children look back with her children with great pleasure. Thanks to Terri Peters
Being a mother is always easy for me, but in those with tears filled, sleepless baby and toddler years, motherhood had a cost. Now in my 40s with two teenagers, I see how I lost my own identity somewhere between hand-weakening Halloween costumes and planning park speaking. The rediscover of whom I was in the core was difficult when I realized that I was lost in the mother’s life, but I am proof that it is possible.
Before I had children, I acted in Community Theater, I went to a monthly book club, traveled and maintained things such as nail and her appointments. I also had a career. In an office. Where I had daily interaction with other adult people. When my babies arrived, there was no time to read my neighborhood, act or leave my neighborhood. I exchanged Salon Mani-Pedis and pricey blond hair for drugstore put and some pretty bad accidents for home hair.
I don’t regret staying at home, although it took a toll
Staying a mother at home meant spending a lot of time with her children. Thanks to Terri Peters
My father, who was my best friend, died unexpectedly when my first child was a baby, and in one of our last conversations he admonished me to set up my job. “Babies are only small for a while, Terri,” he told me. “This is time that you never come back.” Two weeks later my father was gone, and a mix of sorrow and thinking that his advice was that was healthy, I led to leave a job that I worshiped-a position of executive director at a non-profit organization and to become a mother-home mother. I don’t regret it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t incredibly difficult.
There are so many advantages to lose yourself in being a mom for two small people. The memories, love and proximity that I still share with my children to this day make those difficult years of sweeping butts, dealing with toddler tantrums in the supermarket and navigating through the surprising Icey world of making mother “friends”.
Today my children are approaching 17 and 15, and I would give up almost everything to rock my thumb -sucking baby girl to sleep or hear my toddler son again. But I am also happy that I have myself back – to know that I am a mother And A billion other things, from a frequent world traveler to a secret lover of Smutty Romance novels.
Remember who I was for motherhood was difficult, but worth it
The author’s children are now teenagers and she has worked hard to remember her identity for the mother. Thanks to Terri Peters
Many things broke in my life before I rediscovered myself. My marriage suffered in the primary school years of my children. I started with therapy, made difficult decisions to distance themselves from my family for mental health reasons, took control of my health and lost 100 pounds and, most recently, it completely stopped drinking alcohol. But it was not only major changes that helped me to rediscover myself. I let demolished and chiseled on my outside of being “Bennet and Kennedy’s mother” to find someone who loves long walks, keeps a small circle of familiar friends and cooking. I am still their mother, but it is not the most interesting of mine, and that makes me a better mother for both of them.
These days I am blown away by young mothers who refuse to let go of their identity. I hear them on podcasts, see them in my community and view them on social media while they get older And Write books, go to cinemas, travel -free with their partner and plan an afternoon massage while someone else takes care of their children.
I wish I had such mothers in my life when I was younger, but because I didn’t, I am always the first to tell new mothers that it is ok to take time for themselves in whatever form for them. The young mothers I am most difficult for cheer are those I see while I hold during parenthood, because it is the key to everything.